Just another blog.

I recently had a great conversation with a patient who has been through fertility treatments (with the eventual happy outcome!) and who is in the process of trying to grow their family once again.  She shared some some tips with me that she hopes will be an encouragement to others facing the same struggle.  As Father’s Day approaches, I think anyone hoping to achieve their dream of having a family can relate to this…

Stay focused on your goal to be a mother (or father!)

“It gets hard, and you want to give up, but don’t.  I always felt that God had placed the desire to be a mother in my heart for a reason.  When the poor diagnoses began to come in regarding our infertility situation and I realized the enormity of what we were pursuing, it was easy to feel down.  Even in the setbacks of failed treatments and delays for various reasons, I had to keep a positive result in sight and remind myself that the achieved goal would be will worth the effort to get there.  After I let myself have a few pity parties and get past the unfairness that achieving parenthood would not be easy, I was open to becoming a mother through whatever plan God had in store, whether that be through infertility treatments or adoption.”

Take care of yourself

“Exercise, eat well, get frequent pedicures/massages or whatever little luxuries you can afford that make you feel good and stay positive.  Your future children need you to take care of yourself now so you can be prepared to be a great mother (or father!) later.”

“Enjoy other children in your life if you can, but don’t feel bad if you have to remove yourself from certain situations because it heightens the emotional pain of infertility.  Taking care of yourself physically is important, but your emotional and mental health is also extremely important as your body undergoes its own stresses during treatment.  If you can’t go to a friend’s baby shower, it’s okay.  If you have to skip Mother’s Day or Father’s Day activities, it’s okay too.  My husband and I had volunteered in our church’s nursery for several years, but the emotional stress of people saying “don’t you look like a natural” or “when are you going to have one in here?” became too much to bear, and we made a wise choice to remove ourselves from that position during our infertility treatment.”

Take advantage of alternative therapies to aid your medical treatment

“I wanted to do as much as I could to help my treatment be successful.  The process of infertility treatment can be physically and emotionally trying, therefore your doctors may recommend some alternative therapies to help you.  Some methods are even thought to increase success rates.  I received acupuncture therapy; I was already resolved to the fact that needles could help me, so maybe a few more could assist the medicated ones!  I also enjoyed massage therapy, participated in an infertility support group and even tried hypnosis, which opened up the mind/body connection that many doctors agree aids in the success of fertility treatments.  Though some of these therapies sounded strange and over -the-top, I was willing to do whatever it took and am so glad I was open to trying new and different things.”

Enjoy time as a couple

“Don’t forget that you are husband and wife and not just teammates trying to win a prize.  Because your focus when undergoing infertility treatment is consumed by the thought of that blessed end result, you can sometimes forget the love and joy that made you want to be parents together in the first place.  Depending on the cause of infertility, each of you can also be facing internal emotional struggles as well, but neither should face them alone.  Though you are both working toward a common goal, the ultimate victory is that you nurture a loving family, and that starts with your marriage.  Let facing the difficulties of infertility together make you stronger as a couple so you can be stronger parents because of the unique bond you’ll share.”

“Most of all, don’t stop believing that miracles do happen!  Sure, you may encounter some unexpected things along the journey, but dream anyway and keep the faith.  I believe that each child is a miracle, but through the journey of infertility, some of us just get to be more aware of the true miracle parenthood is and become more appreciative because of it.  My husband and I know each moment with our son is little miracle in itself and look forward to hopefully building our family with the help of our doctors at PREG soon.”